Father's Day
Mood:  a-ok
Father's Day was ok, but not as nice as I would have liked for Casey...he deserves so much more than I am able to give right now...his Mom and his "stepdad" whom he refers to as his father didn't even come see him as they had planned. No card, no HAPPY FATHERS DAY, no visit from them, NO NOTHING, which I know that shouldnt shock me considering how they have always put Casey, me and Kobe last in their lives. They went and ate lunch with Nathan and Sandy, Casey's Aunt and Uncle, but they couldnt find time to see their son...I dont understand that. My parents made a trip over here just to give Casey his Father's Day present, which was actually shocking to me considering that they never really liked Casey much for some reason. But I guess he has grown on them.
Anyway, Sunday I cooked Lunch for Casey, Daddy and Granny and we all took our plates over there and ate with them. I fried cube steak, made macaroni and cheese, baked a green bean casserole, and baked some strawberry cupcakes. Needless to say no food was left lol. I like cooking for ppl. I wish Granny would let me do it more often. I asked Casey what he wanted for Father's Day and he told me that he wanted to go out and eat the Golden Corral, so Saturday we went there and he ate three huge plates of food and two steaks...I was like GOD hurry up so we can go LOL. I thought he was going to stay all night lol!
Anthony finally wrote me back a few days ago with a very depressing letter saying that "unfortunately he would not be able to write again until three days before he gets out"..probably has something to do with "the bitch" but I was like ok whatever I am not going to stress over it anymore. I have everything that I need right here. I havent decided if I am going to write back. He also strangely sent me a drawing of the biotch, and his girls that he got someone to draw before he got locked up and she deserted him as he wrote... and he said he wanted me to have it...why in the hell would I want it I thought to myself...it means nothing to me...so I am probably going to send it back or either let his mother have it cuz I know I sure as hell dont want it.

New Ring for a New Commitment
Mood:  happy
Casey and I finally went and bought new wedding rings for our new commitment to each other. The past three years of our marriage have been really rocky at times and we dont want the rest of our years to be the same, so we have made new commitments to each other and new goals to make our marriage smoother and most importantly to make each other happier. My ring is gorgeous and so much nicer than my first. I am going to attach a picture off of the Friedmans website of it for you all to see. I am so proud of it...I guess because I have never had such a nice ring before...and so expensive. I guess I have kinda earned it though as Casey says putting up with 'em all these years lol.

Kobe is still potty training very well. He is even sleeping at night w/out any accidents! We are so proud of him and I am so relieved that I dont have to spend all that money on diapers anymore!
Fathers day is coming up and I just cant figure out what I am going to do for Casey...I had thought about taking Kobe and him to Wild Adventures to the water park because Casey has been wanting to go to a water park and Kobe loves water, so it would be something that we could all do together. Kobe is finally getting old enough to where he can go with us and enjoy himself.
I FINALLY started my period yesterday!!! I have never been so excited and relieved to see it in all my life! It's making me question if I even have PCOS, because as soon as I stopped worrying about it..I started. I hope that next month it's on time and regular because I really dont want to take the risks of taking that medicine to regulate my period...its too dangerous w/ my HTN. I have done a lot of reading on PCOS online lately and it's got me worried...I didn't realize how important having a normal menstrual cycle is...it can cause Diabetes, difficulty getting pregnant, cause wt gain, which I DO NOT NEED, and other complications. I just hope that maybe it was stress.

CANCER FREE!!!!
Mood:  celebratory
My Colonoscopy Monday went very well, but the torture over the weekend was almost too much to bare. I have never felt so hungry in all my life! Saturday all I could have was mashed potatoes, jello, popsicles, water, tea, coffee, grits, eggs, and some other stuff that I didnt like and on Sunday all I could have was water, apple juice and some other clear liquids. OoOo God it was HORRIBLE. Casey would sit right infront of me and eat hamburgers and french fries and LAUGH! I told him one day it will come back on him and Im going to do the same thing to him lol. Sunday I also had to drink Fleet Phosphosoda to clean my colon out and I have never tasted something so nasty in all my life! It was so bitter and dry and salty til I gagged the whole time I was forcing the bottle down. And Boy does that stuff work...lol..I was shitting like every FIVE MINUTES! lol. They made me take a Phenergan table before drinking it too and it made me so tierd that I slept until Monday morning! lol I woke up Monday morning about 4am feeling like CRAP! Plus I had to drink another half bottle of that fleet phosphosoda...UGGGH!!! I hate that "drugged" feeling after too much sleep and I was so weak from not eating and nauseated terribly. All day monday I couldnt eat or drink anything either, but thank God we didnt have to wait long at the hospital and the nurse got my IV the first time! I was like "WOW your good....nobody ever gets my IV on the first time because of my veins being so deep and my skin is so tough." She said dont make my head get too big! lol. Brandi Kirkland was in there and we talked and knowing someone up there made me feel a lot more at ease, plus having Granny with me the whole time. She's always there when I need her. I was so terrified when they took me back to the room where the procedure would be because I didnt want to be able to feel anything I wanted to be completely asleep and I didnt know if the sedation would put me under lol well it sure did! I was asleep the whole time and even when they brought me out and explained the findings Granny said I was dead to the world. lol. Dr. Jonna said that they didnt find any polyps and no diverticulitis or colitis, so it is as we suspected that I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and he will probably put me on med when I follow up with him in three wks. He did however take some biopsies of my colon just to make sure, so I will find out about those as soon as I f/u with him. I was so afraid that it was something worse but thank God it wasnt.
I was out of work today also trying to recuperate from the weekend and Monday and Lauren and the girls came over and spent most of the day with me and it was so nice to get to spend time with them. Kobe and Madison are so close and they play together just like me and Lauren did. Rheanna is finally warming up to me and Kaitlin has just captured my heart. That is the sweetest, happiest lil girl. She always smiles at me when I talk to her and she loves me holding her. I told Lauren she could just leave her here with me. lol.
Casey wont be home again until Friday and lately I have been getting so lonely by myself during the week. I hate it when he doesnt get to come home at night. I get paranoid and all and I can't stand being alone in the house. Kobe keeps me company but geez sometimes I like to sleep next to my man ya know and feel the safety of his arms. I will be so glad when Casey gets his license back soon and gets a job around town.

SUCCESS FINALLY!!!
Mood:  celebratory
Yesterday all of my hard work with Kobe and potty training FINALLY paid off...KOBE WENT PEE PEE IN HIS POTTY! I have never been so excited and relieved to see urine in all my life! lol :) I didnt realize that potty training was going to be so hard....ppl told me that boys were always harder and I knew that at the daycare the girls would always be potty trained earlier than the boys, but geez its been really difficult. He was so adorable when he sat on his potty and his face lit up and he yelled "OooOhhh Mommie...I went PEE PEE IN ME POTTY!" We hooped and hollared and made him feel so good that he said "I wanna go pee pee again!" lol. He tried and tried to go again but he couldnt and got frustrated because he couldnt go anymore. lol He has been wearing his big boy pants all day long and has messed them up a couple times, but thats ok because he's still learning but at least he's trying now. Olivia still hasnt even started wearing panties yet! Leighanne just acts like it's no big deal when most girls her age have been already potty trained. She's actually BEHIND. I told her that she's never going to learn unless they teach her and encourage it and put her on panties and tell her there is no more diapers. I am not fixing to have a three yr old who still uses diapers...thats RIDICULOUS. All that shows is NO PARENTING.
Anyway, I went to Dr. Goldberg Wednesday and I found out that I am 100 percent NOT PREGNANT THANK GOD, but I have something that could possibly prevent me from having children again; (PCOS) Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, it's where instead of producing one big cyst once a month on my ovary that produces an egg like most women with normal cycles, my ovaries produce several tiny small cysts that will not produce an egg. Most ppl mistake this problem for pregnancy like I did, due to the fact that they dont have a period that month, but you will have months missed and then months that things go fine. Dr. Goldberg said that these are not cysts that need to be removed that they are just due to a hormone imbalance and only occur when my hormones are imbalanced. Whats so strange is that Leighanne had this very same problem at my age before she had Olivia. She tried for TWO YRS to get pregnant! I just hope that it doesnt prevent me from having children in the future because I really do want a little girl someday after Ive got my RN and my new house and Kobe's in kindergarten...when everything is in line and I will be able to stay at home with the baby. I just don't want to miss ANYTHING when I have my last child like I had to with Kobe. I sacrificed so much just to be able to provide for him by getting my education and I dont want to have to do that to my second child.
Well, I go Monday for the Colonoscopy. UGH. I have to start a full liquid diet tomorrow and Sunday I have to go on a Clear Liquid diet and I have to drink fleets phosphasoda...Anita told me that stuff is SOO nasty! I am dreading this weekend. I like to eat too good to be having to go without food LOL. But I guess it will do me some good. Maybe I will loose another five pds and put me closer to my GOAL 150lbs!

A Change
Mood:  flirty
Today for the first time in THREE YEARS almost I made a drastic change and I got a haircut, which was long overdue in my opinion but my hubby thinks that all women with short hair look like boys, so I had been trying really hard to please him and to look as he would like for me to, but unfortunately the hair had to go! I still left a lot of length on it though. It's about an inch below my chin and in layers and stacked in the back. He says that it looks really good and he likes it, but I know that deep down he wants my long hair back. My hair is just too thick to wear long and I hate having it in a pony tail all the time. I wanted something that made me look my age and professional. Lori at A Cut Above did it and she did a really good job. She is going to put some highlights in my hair on Wednesday when I am off for my apt with Dr. Goldberg...this also is LONG overdue. Kobe and Casey both got a haircut today too. This was Kobe's second haircut and once again he was surprising good while Lori cut his hair. I was so proud! He looks like a little man now.
I still have not started my cycle yet. They did a HCG level/BLOOD pregnancy test on Thursday and it too came back negative so I really dont know what to think. It's really got me stressed though, because in the back of my mind I just keep wondering...what if I really am pregnant and it just isnt showing up yet? I DONT want another baby ESPECIALLY NOW when everything is FINALLY going my way and I am fixing to go back to college and finish what I should have a LONG time ago and Kobe is SO not ready for a baby brother or sister. He is so spoiled rotten and I dont want to have to push him aside to make room for another child...Kobe's the only child Ive ever wanted....he's my world. Also, Leighanne is expecting her baby in December and I dont want to have another child around the same time as her AGAIN! I want my next pregnancy to be special and one that will be MINE OWN and not shared with my PERFECT sister. So pregnancy right now JUST ISNT AN OPTION. It has to be something else.
Anthony still has not called or written. I am to the point where I say FUCK IT! He's not my problem anymore and Im so sick of carrying around his baggage and trying to help and support him in his time of need and then him treat me like this. "THE BITCH",his kids, and his family are HIS PROBLEMS...NOT MINE, so why do I go out of my way to help him when he does nothing for me in return. I mean even if "the bitch" has something to do with him not calling or writing...SO WHAT!? Why should I care anyway? I have everything that I need in this one house,a loving husband, and an adorable son, more love and happiness than most ppl ever find, so why should I be stressing over someone who is nothing to me but a friend when he feels like it? For six years I have gave and gave to Anthony only to receieve hurt, lies, manipulation and most of all TROUBLE from his psychotic bitch stalker xwife whose name I fail to mention due to her "SUE EVERYBODY" nature. So I guess that's just one more change I have made today....NO MORE GIVING AND GIVING TO PPL WHO DONT DESERVE IT!

Falling Apart
Mood:  d'oh
I had to go see Dr. Goldberg and Dr. Jonna today. I swear I am just falling apart! I never had ANY health problems until after my pregnancy and birth. Sometimes I wish I had, had a caesarian because I know it doesnt damage your body near as much as vaginal delivery does and I KNOW..I've seen them both as a nurse. Contrary to what most women who have caesarians say...vaginal birth is also A LOT MORE PAINFUL too. Anyway, I went to Dr. Goldberg because my cycle was suppose to come on the 15th and all I have been doing is spotting a little here and there. I was so scared that I might be pregnant again, but THANK GOD my home pregnancy test was negative and so was my test at the doctors. The LAST thing I WANT or NEED right now is another baby. Angie Spain, the PA at Dr. Goldbergs told me that I may have to go on "PROVERA" to make my periods start and be regular. I have never had this kind of trouble so it's really scaring me and I dont understand what could be wrong...my pelvic exam was fine today...I am so afraid that I may never be able to have another baby someday, with all the problems that I have had since Kobe and the last miscarriage I had. I dont want any children right now, but I KNOW I want to try to give Casey the little girl that he has always wanted. I've even got her lil name already picked out "Abbigail Chloe Whittle", we will probably call her "Abby"...I can see her now...my lil chubby cheeks, lil blonde curls, blue eyes...Oh gosh listen at me...Anyway, I had to go to Dr. Jonna today also because I have been having s/s of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) for about a month now and I have a family history of GI problems. Dr. Jonna scheduled me to go have a Colonoscopy on the 6TH of next month. I am so nervous about this because I have sat in on a colonoscopy with Dr. Jonna and it looks like it is so painful..and EMBARRESSING! Dr. Jonna is an awesome doctor and very professional too. I really liked working w/ him at the hospital, he was always making us laugh and being silly.
Mom and I got in an argument today, which isnt very unusual for us anyway, and I decided that we just can't get along no matter how hard I try...we will never be close. It's just not going to happen and we are only making each other unhappy, so from now on Anita, my mother in law, is probably going to keep Kobe three days a week and my Grannie Willene is going to keep him the other two days. I thought about daycare, but thats just really not an option for us. I dont think I could stand the thought...
I haven't heard from AT for almost a month now. I dont really know what to think...except that his babies Momma has told a bunch of lies, like always, to manipulate him into not talking to me anymore. She's probably holding those poor children above his head dangling them like bait over a shark tank to get what she wants like she has since they were born. I really dont care anymore though. She's out of my life and NOT MY PROBLEM and I am so thankful! I miss AT writing and calling, but boy it has saved me on the phone bill! I just hope that he can distinguish lies and manipulation from TRUTH. I think I am going to write him tonight.

ANNIVERSARY VACATION
Mood:  lazy
We got back from our vacation to Tampa,FL late last night around ten o'clock. Man am I exhausted and lazy! I havent had so much fun in a LONG time. We arrived at the Sailport Resort Friday around seven o'clock and we laid around relaxing for a while after the FIVE hour trip down there...I75 was TERRIBLE!!! I had to go to sleep because my nerves were a wreck. Ppl drive so crazy down there...like they have no fear or NO SENSE AT ALL! Our suite was just as I expected...very nice. It had a living room w/ surround stereo,VCR, TV, entertainment center, couch, Kitchen w/ all cookware already provided, refrigerator, microwave, stove, etc. It has two built in bunk beds in the hall for extra ppl, a nice bedroom with TV, King size bed, walk in closet, etc. It had several small closets all throughout the suite as well. The bathroom was even nicer than most the hotels I have stayed at...w/ marble top sink, REAL TILE floor, etc. and to top all of that off....We had a suite overlooking Tampa Bay with a private balcony! It was so nice to go out there and watch the sun set over the crystal water....so therapeutic and SO relaxing. Saturday morning we got up and got ready for a long day at Busch Gardens where we saw all kinds of animals, white tigers, crocodiles, alligators, gorillas, elephants, zebra, manities, pink flamingos, all kinds of different birds and fish, lions, rhino's, etc...the list just goes on and on...we took over 165 pictures of EVERYTHING! We rode several rides, roller coasters, water rides,where we got soaked to the bone! It was nice though b/c it was soooooo hot down there. I am so sunburned on my face and chest...can't wait til my face turns brown. We also saw a 4-D show called the "Haunted Lighthouse" which was really cool b/c I have never seen a 4-D show before...we wore our glasses and everything seemed to come out of the movie at you and when one of the actors spit his drink out in the movie we got sprayed w/ water....it scared me to death..and there was one part of the movie where rats came out from behind something and when they were running out they blew air under our chairs to make it seem like rats were running under our chairs...I jumped clear out of my seat! lol. We also got to see the Anheizer Bush (Budweise) horses that are in the commercial for Budweiser. Their names are Harley, Bud, Mike and Tad. They were soooo huge and gorgeous. We also got to take pictures w/ the Budweiser DONKEY in the commercials...his name is "Sprint" He was so sweet and he let us pet him and everything. Well after a full day of fun at Busch Gardens we went back to our hotel and got "gussied up" to go out. Casey took me out to Crabby's Bills restaurant...dont let the name fool ya...its a NICE place to eat and their food is AWESOME. I ordered a strawberry dacquirie from the bar and casey had a long island iced tea...MmMmm THATS THE BEST MIXED DRINK Ive EVER HAD! Casey had "Rock shrimp pasta" and I had the Shrimp Alfredo pasta...OOoOO man it was sooo good. We cleaned our plates lol! The waitor came and was like "any desert?" lol and we were just too stuffed. Sunday we got up early and packed our things for the trip home. Then we went to the Florida Aquarium. We viewed all the exotic fish, alligators, sharks, otters, etc. We saw a show where some professional scooba divers went in the tank w/ the sharks and swam around. We wanted to swim w/ the sharks while we were there, but it was too expensive, so we chose to go on the Echotour instead, which was great too. After viewing all the exhibits, we ate lunch and shopped in the gift shop for Kobe something. We got him a fuzzy stuffed Nemo "Clown" fish and some crystal candy on a stick. Then it was time for our EchoTour on a 64 ft Cadamaran boat, called the "Bay Spirit". We went out on the boat for an hour and a half w/ 45 other ppl and we saw SEVEN Bottle nose DOLPHINS!!!! I have never seen them in the wild and one got so close that it sprayed water on us! We even got to see a mother and her baby. It was so relaxing and education to learn so much about the dolphins in the wild and the differences in their behavior vs. dolphins in captivity. After our Echotour we were pretty much exhausted, so we decided to head to HOME SWEET HOME...GEORGIA. I had a great time in FLorida, but GA will always be my home sweet home, and I missed my baby SOOOOO MUCH! Three days was long enough away from him. I hope that we can take him along next vacation. I just want him to be old enough to remember it and enjoy it as much as we did.

HAPPY THIRD ANNIVERSARY!
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: nada mas
TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY!!!!!....MY THIRD WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. I am SO excited and ready for our weekend vacation...Casey is going to be home in the morning and we are going to leave shortly after...I had my car tuned up today for the long ride and it is running better than ever...had a license tag made today for the front of the car w/ lil butterflies and "Autumn and Casey" written on it in my fav. color PINK..ITS SO CUTE! I luv my Hyundai Sonata... It's the best car I think Ive ever had. I also got a cake made today for our lil "romantic evening" and I bought some wine. I bought a chocolate jersey whip icing marble cake that has vanilla and chocolate inside w/ "Happy Anniversary Casey" on it. I can't wait to dig into our cake and sip on our wine in our fancy resort and eat fruit w/ whip cream and then YOU KNOW WHAT NEXT..."whoopie!!!" LOL. Well, I still got a lot left to do...iron clothes, pack Kobes suitcase and mine and Casey's and get together everything that we are taking w/ us...so Ill write next week and tell all about my weekend getaway.....WITHOUT CHILDREN lol!!!

*Blissful weekend*
Mood:  happy
Oh man was this weekend a good one....me and Casey spent all weekend together and we didnt have not ONE SINGLE argument! We haven't had such a good weekend in a long time. We went shopping and had plenty of money to spend which was really fun. We bought clothes for our trip this weekend for our THIRD ANNIVERSARY to Tampa, Fl. and some other things that we will most definitely be needing like CHAMPAGNE FLOATS lol. I have such a romantic evening planned for us Friday night at the resort and he doesnt have a clue! :) We are staying at such a nice resort too...the Sailport Resort right off of Tampa Bay! Were staying in our FIRST SUITE! It has a bedroom, kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc. It is overlooking the Tampa Bay and it is so beautiful. I guess another reason why this weekend was so awesome was b/c we made so much love this weekend...lol..Im just praying that I didnt get pregnant as much lovin' as I got!!! lmfao Well, Im gonna cut this one short, but I am so happy in my life right now...and so excited about this weekend...

"peachy life"
Mood:  sharp
Its been a while since I made an entry. Things are going great, despite all the BS that has been threw my way and all the manipulative ppl that are trying to make my life a living hell...works great, Kobe's great, Casey's great, so everything is pretty "peachy" in my life right now. I have registered for classes for my RN this fall at SGC and I am so excited and eager to start. I will be taking Biology with a Lab, First Aid, Music Appreciation, and Psychology this fall. I have heard that my Biology teacher is so hard and he is the only one that they have to sign up with right now, so Im stuck with him. I hope that they hire another instructor and maybe I can get into that class. I have been told that all of my other classes will be pretty easy and considering I dont have to take two of the required classes because I took them after I greaduated high school, that will help.
Richard came home a few wks ago and is doing great since his accident. It just amazes me how he survived considering what I saw when we went up there the day after the accident. I haven't seen anything that terrible in my whole life. I just knew he wasnt going to make it or that he would be brain damaged or worse, but here he is...a walking miracle..alive and being the same old "Turd" He doesnt have ANY differences in personality since the accident lol. You would think something like going legally blind would change someone a little, but not "Pisswillie" lol. We have been spending a lot of time with him lately and its so good to finally have him home with everyone. He is truely blessed.
Kobe is learning how to express himself more and more each day. He is learning how to put his words together to make sentences and its so hilarious to listen to him talk sometimes, especially when he gets on the phone and talks to someone b/c he carries on his own little conversation with them and when you ask for the phone he says " NO I talking right now." lol. That little booger is SO worth having. Things still arent going well with potty training. We are trying, but its just not sinking in. I hope that he catches on soon...pull ups are SO EXPENSIVE!
I talked to Tammy aka "Tambo" the other day for the first time since she got out of "lock down" from when she tried to OD on Oxycodone. She took 11 of them and they had to pump her stomach. She is so much better now and has such a good attitude about everything else going on around her. I hope that things stay that way for her...Lord knows things are up and down w/ Tambo most of the time. We have been talking a lot online lately and I miss her so much and all the good times we used to have..and I even miss some of the not so good times. Tammy and I have just had a connection ever since we met one another when I was 16...we just clicked right away and understood one another and no matter what our faults we have always stayed best friends...I love that about her...you dont hardly ever find friends like that anymore.
Casey and I are going on vacation next weekend in celebration of our THIRD WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! I can't believe that we have been together for FIVE years now...man thats a long time. I couldn't imagine my life without him...he is the best thing that ever happened to me...him and Kobe. Casey is taking me to Tampa, FL and we are going to Bush Gardens and Discovery Cove, where we will swim with DOLPHINS! We are also going to the Florida Aquarium for a day. We are staying at THE HILTON in a suite!!!!! It has a jacuzzi and a heated pool inside ...its going to be so awesome! I am so excited. Casey and I have never got to go off by ourselves and do anything like this before...OoOOo the love making we will do...lol. We may even make another baby...lmfao..NOT!